A publication of the Association of California School Administrators

Student-centered communication

Leading through listening, intentional engagement, and connection

By Dr. Joseph Ochoa | November | December 2025

Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, “I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other.” (1962)

In school administration, communication is more than just delivering information. It is a daily, ongoing process of connection built through listening, observation, and intentional action. As educational leaders, our ability to communicate effectively with our school community — families, students, and staff — plays a critical role in creating safe, supportive, and achievement-driven environments.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in this work is that communication starts before you speak and continues long after a conversation ends. Everything you do is seen, especially what is “unseen.” How you walk the campus, how you greet others, how you respond in a moment of tension — these quiet signals communicate just as loudly as any formal speech. And all of it must reflect a student-centered mindset.

Listening to understand, not to respond Whenever I meet with a school community member — whether a concerned parent, a frustrated teacher, or a student who just needs a moment — I begin the same way: with a handshake, eye contact, and a genuine greeting, I say my name and ask, “How are you doing today?” or “How can I support you?” It sets a tone of humility and readiness to listen.

What follows is more than a conversation — it’s an opportunity to understand a need, perspective, or experience that might not be visible on the surface. I always have a pen and a notepad to take notes as they speak. I purposely use paper instead of digital because it shows that you are engaged in the conversation. This small but consistent habit serves multiple purposes: It shows respect, helps me retain the details, and builds trust that their voice matters. Taking notes during a conversation also gives me time to pause and reflect on what’s being said — not just hear it, but truly understand their need.

When people feel heard, solutions naturally emerge. Listening with intuitiveness and transparency is the foundation of every successful communication strategy.

Attention to detail: Documentation for continuity As school leaders, we are always moving between essential meetings, impromptu parent drop-ins, and student interactions. In such an environment, it’s easy to forget specifics, but details matter. That’s why documentation is an essential leadership tool.

Consistent documentation has helped me follow up strategically and maintain consistency, whether it’s a brief note on your phone from an interaction in the hallway or a thorough explanation from a parent meeting. It allows me to accurately reference prior conversations and demonstrate to community members that their concerns haven’t been forgotten. It also fosters accountability and professionalism when issues require more formal attention. Utilizing a notebook that is organized is also essential, so I have chronologically dated each page as the days pass to keep accurate records. I also update our student information system.

The significance of setting and space The location where communication happens is crucial. Meeting a parent in the front office versus in a quiet office with the door closed sends a very different message. The same applies to a teacher check-in in a hallway, walkway, or playground versus a pre-scheduled meeting in a planning space. Setting matters and could alter the outcome of the meeting.

I make a conscious effort to establish conversation-safe environments. When discussing delicate topics with a parent or guardian, I ask them to join me in a warm, peaceful area where we can be uninterrupted and undistracted. I ensure that employees feel both emotionally and physically comfortable enough to voice their concerns if needed.

And when I’m engaging students, especially in discipline, restorative, or support-based conversations, I choose a space that allows them to breathe, speak, and feel heard without judgment or pressure.

Reading social cues: Self-management communication with awareness “Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct behavior positively.” (Bradberry & Greaves, 2009)

Effective communication also involves reading the nonverbal. I pay attention to body language, tone, eye movement, and even silence. These social cues often reveal more than words ever could. Is the person leaning forward, eager to share? Are they crossing their arms, hesitant to speak? Are their eyes avoiding contact, signaling discomfort?

By noticing cues, I adjust my approach — perhaps offering more time, asking clarifying questions, or simply pausing to make space. For example, if a person is leaning forward, eager to share, I might encourage them to continue. If they are crossing their arms and are hesitant to speak, I might ask clarifying questions and ease their mind with a solution-based conversation. If their eyes are avoiding contact, signaling discomfort, I might reassure them that I am looking for a collaborative solution. Every instance of communication is an opportunity to make a positive choice towards a solution.

I always have a pen and a notepad to take notes as they speak. ... This small but consistent habit serves multiple purposes: It shows respect, helps me retain the details, and builds trust that their voice matters.

Student-centered focus in every conversation I approach every situation with the goal of supporting students, whether I'm discussing a safety concern with a family, collaborating with staff to modify the curriculum, or addressing a student's specific needs. What I concentrate on is: How does this impact our students? When discussing safety, I consider how it affects the well-being of the students. When working with staff, I emphasize how changes will enhance student learning. When responding to student complaints, I prioritize the needs and viewpoint of the student.

It can be easy for adults to become the center of school conversations, our schedules, our pressures, and our systems. However, leadership requires us to constantly re-center the dialogue on students: their safety, their growth, and their voices.

When families see that our decisions are in the best interests of children, even difficult messages become more understandable. When staff hear that a policy shift is to support learning outcomes or student wellbeing, they’re more likely to engage constructively. And when students know their needs are at the heart of schoolwide conversations, they trust us more.

In short, student-centered communication builds legitimacy. When our school community sees that our decisions and actions are consistently guided by what is best for our students, it builds trust and confidence in our leadership. This trust is the core of our legitimacy as educational leaders.

Transparency: Helping families see the outcome of decisions “As leaders, we must connect with others through empathy, but we have to lead with compassion.” (Hougaard & Carter, 2021)

Effective communication requires the ability to express knowledge of a decision. Rather than claiming that we are boosting our supervision for safety, describe how we are improving safety through safety planning, supervision, and reducing misconceptions by developing restorative relationships and fostering more honest student conversations.

It is also crucial to explain how new initiatives or school programs will affect student achievement. I combine the use of data with examples and real-life situations to explain the why. An example is when I shared math data that had decreased from the year prior on the CAASPP exam. I used a transparent approach to share the data, explain the new math goals, and how they would impact our school community. It is essential to be honest at all times to enhance communication within leadership.

The power of presence: Communication starts at the gate Leadership is communication — even when we’re not speaking. Greeting students, staff, and families at the school’s entrance daily sets the tone for the entire school day. Visibility around the school is essential to convey that you truly care.

When walking through classes daily, it is essential to pause and speak with a staff member to observe what learning is taking place. These actions convey more meaning than any email could ever express. I always end my day by standing at the school’s entrance and greeting all students, staff, and families as they exit. Being visible shows presence and confidence to everyone, and that you are available to support at all times.

Being visible, present, and approachable is part of the unwritten curriculum of school leadership. It reinforces that we’re invested, attentive, and student focused. It also builds the relational capital that makes hard conversations easier later on.

Guiding conversations toward solutions “Approaching everyone you encounter as though they have something valuable to teach you — something that you will benefit from — is the best way to remain flexible, open‑minded, and much less stressed.” (Bradberry & Greaves, 2009)

Communication isn’t about getting the upper hand or persuading others to agree with us. It’s about creating solutions within the discussions. As administrators, we don’t know everything. Still, we must lead with intentionality by listening to the school community, reflecting on our actions, and making informed decisions to improve our school outcomes.

Thus, it is crucial that we find solutions for conflict through de-escalating strategies, react in a positive tone, and collaborate with others. We must ensure that conversations go from a negative to a positive.

Conclusion: Leading through relationship building The most successful leaders are connected with strong instructional support, possess practical managerial skills, foster strong relationships, and guide the team to move forward, all while advancing the school’s vision. Thus, strong leaders know how to listen with intentionality, document accurately, engage with fluidity, and always prioritize students’ needs. Every interaction with the school community presents an opportunity to lead. Ultimately, always connect with others using kindness. Kraft (2020) states, “I believe in a world where kindness is normal. And I’ve learned along the way that it’s going to take a lot of work."

References Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.

Hougaard, R., & Carter, J. (2022). Compassionate leadership: How to do hard things in a human way. Harvard Business Review Press.

King, M. L., Jr. (1962, October 15). Martin Luther King Jr.'s visit to Cornell College [Speech transcript]. Cornell College. https://news.cornellcollege.edu/dr-martin-luther-kings-visit-to-cornell-college/

Kraft, H. (2020). Deep kindness: A revolutionary guide for the way we think, talk, and act in kindness. Simon & Schuster.

Joseph Ochoa, Ed.D., is principal at Ramona Elementary in Moreno Valley Unified School District.